whhheeee....

i m boreeddddd.... -_-"""

my dear asked mi ytd if i wanted to go night safari? how cool is tt.. lol.. night safari wor... a place which i have onli visited once... n its like in primary sch.. heee..

well well... i must find new hobbies to keep myself entertained.. if not i will realli miss him alot...

okok.. i am toking nonsense.. but its true ma.. if u got nth to do.. u would think abt stuffs.. n i just happen to always think abt him.. so ta da !..

blahz.. i am rambling stupid things again...
beng they all went zouk tonight... mambo!!!
i am so guai k.. i did not go... i wanna slp.... i need more time to finish it !! arrrghhh.... so little time....

ok... time to retreat into bed.. yea... zzzzz

I have been having serious panda eyes due to lack of slp.... for a couple of weeks or even mths !!!! All thanks to my clever idea...

N i tot it was so easy at first... but its so not.. took mi 4 mths to do it... ya.. i admit i did slack alittle in the 4 mths.. but still.. i must admit its not an easy feat for me...

tonight.. i decided to take a break.. n rest my eyes.. although the thing is not completed.. n i am like a gan chiong spider le... but i wanna zzzz...

went shopping wif charlene today.. lol.. both of us spent a great deal of time at the bra shop... lol.. getting fanatic over a particular bra.. ha! so shitter...

n we met up wif ahgong, gb and kl.. took a short walk around before going home...

I am tired !!!!

Its been awhile since i last updated.. shall do a short update on my cny..

1st day of cny
went to my 2nd aunt place... been a long time since i saw ling... lol.. chatted with her most of the time there.. after which was to my gugu's hse.. did not go due to some stuffs..
went over to lucas' place bai nian.. kind of scary cos his place was crowded with alot of ppl..
played sparklers with him n his cousins..
nothin much too..

2nd day of cny
accompanied him the whole day.. after which we went over to beng's place for steamboat .. lost alot at his place.. close to 70.. tsk..
went off early...

3rd day of cny
accompanied him the whole day too.. supposed to go jason's hse.. but eh.. did not go in the end.. lol.. lazy to explain..
caught the movie "fearless".. not a bad show...

4th day of cny
boring day... at work...
could feel i was getting sick... slept almost the whole day at work..

5th day of cny
went to the doc n got the day off...
n rested at home..
spent the whole day watching tv...

6th day of cny
Its a friday !!! yeay...
met up wif ahgong n gb at jp for dinner...
we went to watch Fun with Dick & Jane.. ha.. gb treated mi..
funni show !! all should go catch it.. lol..

7th day of cny
went to gb's place for steamboat...
met up wif char at bp interchange first.. met up wif gb, ahgong, jason n cp at jp..
supposed to go dbl o wif beng n all but sorriez ppl.. i really wasnt in a good mood..
played with ahgong's ps2.. n some mj session.. shiiter i lost again..
this year isnt a good year to gamble.. lol...

8th day of cny
yap.. today.. i decided to stay at home..
cos i think i am not in the right mood...
i need some time alone.. n i dont feel like seeing anyone.. =)
tata.. thats all.. cny is over soon..

I have been an ugly girl for the whole week.. wore specs everyday.. -_-

Starting to look for new jobs.. anyone wanna intro mi some?? lol.. kinda lazy to find.. but seeing that staying with this company would bring more harm to my future.. i buck myself up.. been searching thru the papers everyday.. n trust mi.. chemical engineers jobs are rare finds!

everyday at the company was chit chatting with chiew ling n walking rounds n rounds in the clean room cos there's simply nth for us to do ! talking to tt girl really makes mi think abt wat i want in my life..

Last fri acc him to chinatown to get new year decoration for his place.. on the way.. i finally told him how i felt abt our r/s.. n like i guessed it.. he doesnt even know tt he's been likdat.. I guess he must be pretty hurt as i mentioned that i really felt like giving at a point of time.. but i told him i stil cant bear to let go.. i hope we can work out the differences tog.. all was well.. =)

Saturday was spent at jerm's hse... union's reunion dinner... steamboat my fav ! hehe.. but its way too much ppl.. everyone's like a hungry ghost.. kind of put mi off.. so in the end mi spenc wee and rh ended up having our "miniature steamboat" ha!
yup, n tt night... was a terrible n messy affair.. jr got drunk.. n i guess its the first time he ever vomitted in his slp.. in the end the guys had to drag him into the toilet n bath him.. lol.. while mi lingzi n peisun cleared up the vomit n mucus mess he left behind... ewwwkks..

n Chinese new year's around the corner !! i really cant wait.. i dont know why... mayb cos its lotsa days of holiday for all of us.. ! =)

eye infection.... i learnt my lesson... gonna take good care of my eyes in the future...

cant even open my eyes on sunday night that i went to hospital for check up... turns out its serious infection of my upper eye lid... thank god my eye ball was not affected by the infection..

slept thru monday.. thankfully it starts to turn better.. i can finally see.. lol.. but with some blur vision.. so gonna turn into bed soon ! zzzz

ji dan !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stupid idiotic brainless freak !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

arrrrghhhhh..........

seriously i really feel like killing someone... really feel like !!!!!!!!!
arrrrgghhhh........

-bang wall-
-bang wall-
-bang wall-

i wan to vent my frustrations !!!!!!!!!!!!! i can feel all of them bottling inside me.... just a small thing can ignite the blow le...

JI DAN !!!!!!!!!!!! WANG BA DAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

arRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PUI !

What's Your True Color?

You're yellow, the color of joy and energy — two things you definitely bring to everyone around you. It's hard for anyone to be sad or lonely in your presence; your sunny disposition and cheery outlook just won't allow it. The warmth of your personality shines through in the kindness you show friends and family (and strangers, too). Always ready with a lighthearted joke or heartfelt compliment, you know how to make people feel good about themselves, so they can't get enough of you. Yellow is a warm and inviting color for a warm and inviting person — you!

xmas is over.... i had the best xmas this year..

sat morning i was over at charlene's hse for some "vitamin D sessions" lol.. yup.. its tanning.. both of us talk till 12 plus n we went to wash up.. Acc her to TPY central and waited for tt zhu tou.. lol.. stil can late !

went home n took a rest.. supposed to meet up wif poly classmates.. but i decided to skip it.. cos i was totally broke.. cant afford to eat at marche.. haiz.. actualli i realli realli realli do miss all of them man..

prepare to meet up wif my dear.. on the way there.. was msg-ing sz to see if i could meet up wif them even for a short while.. i dont know why.. i just suddenly miss all my frens.. haiz.. but sadly i did not meet up wif them cos we skipped the town area, its too crowded.. =( so we went to marina instead.. n went sakae for dinner.. all this while, my dear was carrying the present he got for mi.. jidan ! made mi full of curiosity.. cos the box is so big n heavy.. well well.. he said he got mi a big rock melon inside.. lol.. watched the chronicles of narnia.. its a superb show ! were alreadi veri late cos the show finised at 11 plus.. n we definitely didnt wan to count down to xmas in the cab.. so rushed down to jerm's hse..

who knows.. wee called n asked us to get some things.. seriously i dont mind helping u guys get things.. but i was quite pissed off when u all still can request for the diff flavours of lolipop?! Dear n mi was like "Hur!" n when i cant find them, i called back.. i could still hear dont know whu saying tt dont care must find the flavour...
I admit i was pek cek.. tt i scolded cheewee.. sorrie ar.. but know why.. cos i was choosing the flavour, the whole queue was jammed up by mi lo... dotz.. totally speechless by this man..

anyway, both of us decided not to let this thing spoil our mood.. so we all hurried up n went over jerm's place..
a night of chit chatting, celebrating of wee's bday, bbq-ing, mj-ing and of cos not to mention.. drinking till high n seh.. ha..
i was a good girl ! i drank onli abit cos i wasnt feeling well.. but that also means a price to pay.. cos in the wee hours of the morning.. the only ones awake was mi, dear n jr.. both of them were so frickin determined to get drunk..

so just when they started toking nonsense.. rh barged into the kitchen n vomitted.. so imagine i had to take care of 3 guys !! damn tiring man.. but its a super funni sight ! haha.. cos 3 of them were hugging tog saying i love u i love u.. haha..
no words can describe the situation tt night.. imagine.. jr n dear woke everyone up.. n all started laughing at them.. i managed to get dear to vomit everything out.. n get him to slp..
as for jr.. hahaaaa... totally cracked us up !!! voted the comedian for the year le la... bth him !!!

oh.. anyway.. e present from my dear really really put mi into tears.. he wanted mi to open it up in front of all of them.. i was veri pressurized.. took a peek inside.. n oh my ! i saw the levis black spag top n skirt !! i was veri veri delighted.. didnt know that he would take notice of wat i wanted.. alreadi melted le.. n there was another gift wrapped up...
guess wat is it? e moment i saw it.. i burst into tears n hug him tight.. veri drama hur.. but ya.. i was moved to tears.. he brought mi the M:robe..

haiz... i really feel so pampered by him... he must have spend a bomb.. n now i feel so so so guilty.. booooo... next time when i go out shopping wif him.. i shall keep all the comments to myself.. hee..

I love u my dear !!
Merry Xmas my frenz !

xmas is two days away.. .. i am so stressed...
i know my dearie spent quite a lot for my present.. n mi? i did not get him anything.. cos i m totally broke.. hiaz..

i feel so bad..

i feel so bad..

but i still cant wait for tml to come.. going to take a trip down to orchard n take photos ! yipee.. =) of cos.. wif him.. whu else hur..

xmas is just around the corner !! I'm so sad.. i am totally broke.. i cant get my frens presents.. i cant get stuffs for him.. n with the xmas sales going round.. its the best time to go on a shopping spree.. why oh why must i be broke now.. of all times.??!!

I have been going shopping n shopping.. n planning for my new year's clothes.. last weekend was spent rotting at breko with dar, rh and wee.. some heart to heart talk.. it seems that i am really back to my happi state.. nothing seems to be able to dampen my spirit.. i learnt to accept things that are beyond my control.. i learnt to take things easy and cherish the ppl around me..

spent my sat with dar.. he said i am the girl that he trusts most.. though i was teasing him all the way.. but i swear to god.. i nearly melted.. to be trusted by someone u love is a great feeling.. =)

sunday was at sentosa with jr, beng and elaine.. really had fun with them.. haha.. after wards was dinner at orchard.. n all went kuang shopping last minute at the temporary stalls outside cine.. i nearly fainted ar.. almost everyone bought sth..

monday was another shopping trip with my dar.. he came all the way to pick mi up after work wor ! went to sushi tei for dinner.. its damn yummilicious.. haha..
shopping time.... ar.. i am so gonna buy that skirt from kai.. i wan bags.. shoess... birkenstock !!! n bikinis...
he bought mi a charm bracelet..... thank you my dear... =)
i feel so pampered by him....

ytd was a havoc night man..

lol... went to dbl o to celebrate cindy's 21st birthday.. Before that, i met up wif dear ! yeay.. finally.. i hug him the moment i saw him.. cos i miss him too much.. lol.. my dear was commenting on his look tt day.. he told mi he feel very gay... hahaha !!! bth him.. acc him go eat sushi even though i was veri veri full le.. hee..

met up wif elaine, wee, hc and charlene after my dear left for camp.. we went shopping.. mi n elaine can just disappear into a shop.. lol.. think they bth us.. haha.. went into levis shop n i saw so mani things i like !!! omg..

I like the purple jacket.. its super duper nice.. i saw the skirt.. n i like it alot alot !!... I saw the black spagg... n i love it !!!.. arrrr.. i want i want i want... i want the princess cut lady style jeans...
n at dbl o.. i saw a girl wearing the second batch of the lady jeans.. its so nice !!!!!!! i wan i wan i wan i wan !!!!!!!!! droolz...

ok.. anyway.. we shopped from far east all the way to ps.. looking for cindy's present.. n we finally found it at citigems.. a veri veri nice necklace hehe.. i wan citigems !!!! the jewellery are all veri nice !!!! lolx..

meet up wif rh, cindy, jr, beng for dinner.. n we went over.. towards the end.. most of us was seh le.. lol.. i actualli vomitted again..
so they bought mi out.. n i saw cindy alreadi outside.. lol.. so both of us jus sat there n rest.. so sorry man.. let all the ppl fuss over mi.. part time dont let mi rest.. keep asking mi stand up.. but i no energy at all.. so resulting in a very wobbly mi.. must be a funni sight ! haha..

lol.. tt stupid jr.. stil can come over pat my head say he promise next time dont give mi drink le.. I was so puzzled by this statement.. so i think he also veri seh liaoz.. haha.. n thru out.. he keep telling mi dont let him drink.. if not he sure ko.. so funni!
then he keep saying.. we all lack of 1 person.. if the person come, none of this will happen.. lol.. he keep saying why my dear dear nv come.. gao siao!

elaine n her fren send mi home.. so i rest on the cab.. but the moment i reach home i am so awake le.. haha.. but i think i made my dear angry.. cos i promise him i wont drink much.. in the end.. haiz..

anyway.. happy early birthday cindy ! hehe..

eeeewww..

i realise i have been having some boring life lately.. its been working non-stop.. n suddenly all the managers are treating mi like god.. faintz.. they wan mi to help them explain to HSA.. nuts.. but too bad.. i think i am gonna jump to a better company soon.. hee..

n my mom's recently in a very horrible mood.. most of the time she doesnt wan to acknowledge mi when i ask her how is she.. till today i finally know wats troubling her.. i have no idea how to comment.. but i certainly felt wat my brother did was super wrong n hurful to her..

haiz.. i miss my dear alot... been a week since i saw him.. booz

why must he be on tt stupid course.. bboooo...
ytd he asked if i feel neglected.. lol.. i told him.. "Ya.. of cos la.. ben dan.. if i dont feel a thing.. means i dont care abt u le.."
But i also told him i understand his situation so i dont demand alot of his attention..

But....

I stil hope to see him soon.. lolx..

booo...

k.. i am just bored.. time for zzz..

boring saturday afternoon..gonna bring my mom out to eat ltr.. was kinda disappointed when my bro just went out even when i told him so..

Met up with him ytd.. though just a short meet up.. i was still happy that he made the effort despite him being so tired from his course.. i know i keep changing my views on us.. I am just emotional unstable.. But over the weeks, i kept thinking.. n right now.. i know wat i wan..

ps: yummy just wanna say something.. a blog is for mi to write out all my feelings n tots at tt point of time.. it doesnt mean that i will act upon them.. n it doesnt shows all thats running through my head.. bcos thats alot of things that i cant say or i wont say out.. i just need a space for mi to vent my frustrations.. i believe its always better to jot ur tots down be it good or bad.. mature or childish.. its just a way i de-stress myself.. But thanks alot for reminding mi that i have to fight for gd things.. i totally agree with u.. =)

so why am i at home now?? lol..

i am damn tired out.. supposed to go to work today.. but i slept barely an hour.. so i decided to apply for urgent leave !! n continue pigging all the way till 1 plus.. =x

ytd was out with rh, wee, beng, jr, hanz, ql, elaine, cindy, lz, az, wl, wz and qy.. went to zouk to celebrate wx's birthday plus the return of jr ! lol.. definitely a night to rem.. first time i saw jr so heated up till he wanna whack someone..

Took us quite some effort to calm jr down n drag him back.. i admit i was veri scared during the whole incident.. i was veri shocked at jr's reaction but deep inside i felt a warmth that he cared so much for us.. i know he's stil veri worked up when he went back.. so i did try to talk to him n calm him down..

Curse the two fucking guys !!!! idiots..

n then beng was seh ytd.. i have no comments on tt.. but its so funni to see him walk in a zig zag manner ! lolz..

by the time i reached home was alreadi 4 plus 5.. i was super duper shag out.. resulting in the urgent leave today ! haha..

But watever happened ytd really set mi into thinking.. i cant say out how i feel cos i promise i wont mention it.. Just that life is so full of unexpected things.. n mayb as i grow up.. such things are getting more common.. so i kinda feel neutral abt it.. but i wonder if i can take it when it happens to mi..

recently i have been facing with some the down points in life.. i know some of my frens are too.. i try my best to help them n be there for them.. but i have to admit some of their negativity is really affecting mi alreadi.. i am trying to handle one problem at a time.. yup..

Everything seems to be normal now.. Yup, in the end, i stil cant let go..

But i feel the distance there.. we are like strangers.. n here i am wondering if it is that i am too sensitive..

Its been close to a week since i saw him.. I admit i miss him alot alot.. but yet i dare not voice it out..

He's been really very busy with his work n course.. I know everyday he's tired out.. I did not complain cos its not something that both of us can control.. I myself face with a lot of stress in my work too.

I dont wan to add on to the problems cos we have yet to even sit down n talk about the recent events..

Sometimes.. Jus sometimes.. i really feel he doesnt give a shit anymore.. I was so sad when i called him ytd bcos i was feeling veri giddy on the bus, but he just "cut" mi off even before i can mention anything.. I know i cant blame him.. so i decided not to say anything..

Indeed, i felt a little bit neglected.. But nvm ! I think i should use this period for some soul searching.. Self cultivation ! Hee..

what happen when ur mind n heart have different tots?

I chose to be rational this time.. although it breaks my heart.. but i know i have to do it.. I talked to rh during lunch.. I am trying hard to be strong le.. but yet i stil cried.. n i had to hide in the toilet for some time..

I love him so much that i wanna be selfish and hold on to him forever.. But i know i am tying him down.. I was veri touched when he said he could give up his clubbing lifestyle just for mi.. but i dont wan him to change bcos of mi.. I know not many girls can stand that their other partner is so into clubbing.. For mi i find it ok.. yes sometimes i do have weird feelings cos u nv know wat might happen.. But after a while, i will be ok cos i trust him.. veri contradicting isnt it.. haiz.. I am nuts.. i dont know wat i am toking abt..

I know he dote on mi alot.. For the past week, i have been reflecting on my own personality.. I am so sick of myself.. i know my temper is getting worse.. I know he's really giving in to mi when i experience problems in my life.. To the extent that i was veri lost n sad that i wanted to give up..

I think both of us experience unhappiness in this relationship.. Sometimes i just wondering if i am too petty or demanding.. I told rh that i do not expect anything from him.. Just some respect and a basic responsibility that he can account for his own actions thats all.. But all in all, of cos we had our happy times..

Ytd i went out wif my bro's frens.. Jeff said sth that i feel is quite true.. He told mi all relationships dont come easily..

But I dont wan him to suffer bcos of mi.. I really just hope that he stays happy.. so no matter how hard it is, i will give up.. I am tired.. i can no longer be sure that i will make him happy..

I had a super bad day at work.. not only was i feeling very unstable.. I start to feel stress at work.. All the managers were pushing more and more sop for mi to complete.. n their attitude wasnt veri good.. i was pissed off.. damn pissed off that i nearly cried..

n i am irritated by a colleague of mine.. he's so blur until he made mi do double work.. i really nearly went berserk when i got to know of this.. The QA manager is a computer idiot that the files i saved for her in the floppy was all lost ! n i had to re-do it.. haiz..

seriously all these are nothing compared to how i am feeling now.. suddenly there's no one beside mi to hear mi out, to dote on mi, to feel angry for mi..

i miss him so much alreadi..

Happi birthday to my brother !!!

Yesterday i went out wif him, kengyang, dehua & jeff to celebrate his birthday.. before that, i met up wif rh, wee, beng, charlene, hc n lucas for dinner at the suntec steamboat buffet.. i know i was being a little attitude towards him.. but seriously, i realli am confused la..

after which i waited for kengyang to fetch mi to some ulu pub to meet up wif the rest.. n i surprised my bro with a birthday cake ! lol.. n then is drinking n drinking la..
n i am pissed off with a stupid guy there.. its like my bro give him a piece of the cake.. then he dont wan say dont wan la.. keep forcing mi to eat.. siao de.. i nearly wanted to scold him man.. ji dan..
in the end all of us went to kbox.. n sang our hearts out ! haha.. realli siao siao de.. all so emotional.. n my bro just ko there..

went for supper before going home.. i was alreadi veri tired n a bit seh.. cos i got bluff by the stupid jeff.. qi si wo.. nvm..

today.. is a boring day.. i dont know wat to do.. i realli feel like confronting him.. but i know i should give him some time lo.. arr.. dont know la.. fed up..

This whole week sucks for mi...

I hate going to work.. it seems that for this week.. the managers are all in their pms moods.. and all of us got scolding for no freakin reason.. ya.. i admit most of us are slacking away.. but its u ppl who didnt gave us anything to do.. why? cos u guys just dont trust others but urself..

n when things arent going ur way.. u all start to throw tanthrums saying why arent we all not helping.. why are all of us doing our own stuffs.. its a team effort.. so it cannot be accomplished by just a few persons..

I am damn pissed off.. i shoot back at her... i know i shouldnt do tt.. but its damn unreasonable.. and when i shoot back.. she has nth to say.. why? cos she herself knows it isnt our fault.. she just wans to push the blame to us cos she has nothing to show the boss..

n shall i say that u guys are so damn inefficient.. just a few documents takes days n weeks to vent thru? just a few documents takes days to write?

what did they do? they throw everything at mi.. y? cos i am the onli one who is better in writing both english and chinese.. I am not a translator lo.. if u wan a translator.. go hire one.. can u imagine how difficult is it to translate chinese chemical terms into english.. u guys are manager lo.. so managers are supposed to know it all isnt it? if u all cant even do this.. wat makes u all think i can?

I am damn fucking pissed off.. but i stil manage to complete them.. i finish all the documents within 2 days.. mind u.. its 2 days onli... n they can give mi the excuse that as managers they have alot of other impt things to settle.. ya.. impt things like e-shopping? playing msn? how impt is tt ! yet, they say all these documents are impt cos its for the gmp.. shit u ppl.. if its so urgent, why arent u guys putting everything down to do it..

after i done the documents, they just cleverly took it to present to the boss.. n if there is any error.. they would say it is kaixin who did it.. fine.. if the big boss is to come look for mi.. i will make sure all of ur deeds get published out man.. ji dan lo..

so mani irritating n hypocrite people present in this company.. n now my whole production manager wans to quit.. n christie wans to quit too.. grrrr....

*******************
other than working n working.. i am stil worried about him.. i went shopping wif charlene.. n spent a bomb man.. i tok to ronghua n wee... but i stil feel veri lost.. its like some impt part of my life is suddenly gone..

i have to admit i wasnt in my right mood this whole week.. tears could find mi at any odd timing.. even when i am super busy wif work.. they just come.. n i know charmaine is experiencing the same thing as mi.. i cant be there for her..

but i am happy that she contacted mi when she was facing problems wif pax.. so both of us ended up crying while toking abt our situation..
girl.. i hope u solve things as soon as possible k.. i am not going to advise u on wat to do.. i know u urself know wats best for u.. so if u have made up ur mind.. stick to ur decision.. i will always support u de.. =)

ytd i tok to him.. i picked up alot of courage to just pm him.. and i finalli know wat he is facing.. i wanna help him.. i wanna be there for him.. but i dont know how.. cos i dont know wat are we now.. i am veri lost.. nevertheless, i was feeling veri happy when i went to bed last night.. n yes.. i slept soundly thru the night....

Know wat i feel like doing now... I feel like disappearing from the surface of earth... He's stil angry with mi i know.. n i know he's veri unsure.. Whatever he said to mi last night stil churning around in my head... its really veri hurting..

wee wee, charlene gal n agnes thanks so much for coming all the down to look for mi... n beng for talking to mi thru the night...

it sucks to be sick at this time.. i just reached home n i can feel my temperature rising.. going to rest soon ! haiz..

whats wrong wif mi? why did i have to shoot back at him n walk out of the room? sickening...

n i made so mani ppl rushing down to look for mi.. realli sorrie..

things are not going well for us.. for mi also.. why of all times i have to be sick, causing mi to be easily frustrated..

i dont wan him to be unhappi bcos of mi.. i know i m tie-ing him down..
i think i lost the determination to fight on..